OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
