Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
