Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
