tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
