im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
