he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
