I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is the high leading the old right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
