I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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