I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
