I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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