I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
