so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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