You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
