And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
