I want to make a zoo with you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize