I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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