Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
