dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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