I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
