Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
