He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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