Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Damn victory sex feels great
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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