I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
