Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They took my balls.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
