Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
