I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
