I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm like, not good at living.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
