well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
