you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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