That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
