If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
