I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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