You're completely useless in the revolution.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
