I cannot find my penis.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
