did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize