So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
