watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
