I heard we made out
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
