You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So many bounce houses so little time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sext me about skeletons
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