Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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