my being single is dangerous.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
