he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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