That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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