I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
