just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
