if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
