perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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