final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
