there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
