can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
