dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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