Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
