Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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