But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
