It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
