You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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