Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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