ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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