hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
