we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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