so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
