Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
