She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
