Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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