pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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