The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
