Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
