I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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