At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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