Apparently you make a good broom.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
