it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is Oprah even human
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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