Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pants are for mortals
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
