I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize